I know what I am looking for, I have always known, I know. Too afraid to accept, too scared that this cluster of a disaster would deny me my wishes. I don't know if its about the search, or is it about you.... either ways, you are the one I come to. I tell myself every night, that this would be the last night, and when I wake up, the withdrawal symptoms awaken too... and I run back to you. I love the way I dunno why, I love the way I defy; and I love the way you smile when I surrender to you. I have seen you live and the next moment I have watched you die, I love both and in each moment I love how you are just mine.

And somewhere in the distance, I can hear the dog  cry. Or is it a child's call for the mother, or just the alcohol in my head? Either way it reminds me of my first home, and how I would lay awake every night, listening to some strange kid whimpering at a distance somewhere in the slum beyond. And oddly, it reminds me of my nestling my head in your arms and the comfort of that feeling. And yeah I do love this wine.

He said it is "cruel to be kind". Sometimes you cannot hurt without killing a bit of yourself..

*Sigh*...